Margo's got Moxie ! : the diary of miss red high heels

It's 1am. You sent a text in the afternoon or no you sent several, and you look at your phone and began to think that you are the problem, that you are the failure, that no one cares, or that no one sees you, or maybe it's just you rolling inside your head. You know you don't mean to, you just triggered, and the spinning has started. Lack of sleep, hard day, or maybe you want to try and cover up that you feel badly of how something went. Negative self talk is one of the most powerful, awful effects of Borderline Personality Disorder. In fact it rules so much, that a regular, successful, beautiful woman, who is already loved, breaks down and becomes what she is not. There a triggers, first it's when they feel threatened or disrespected, or ignored. Really, for everyone once that happens, usually a person lets go, says fuck that person, accepts the situation, and moves on. A person with BPD, in other words, heavy anxiety, doesn't. They hold themselves responsible for ...

I hate when people say that. It's like telling a person who isn't really athletic to jump a treadmill. Usually you don't catch people saying that, then if they do, they weren't taught how to be humble when they were young. I don't know. Good lor, it takes a lot in me to not turn around and snap back. Sure, that sounds like I'm angry, but the reality is, I get tired of hearing it. It could be a relative eager for grandchildren (which I know you want them, but I'm 26, not 38, chill out). I love hearing when someone is going to have a baby or they are expecting, or when someone gets engaged. Please don't peg me as cynical. I am not. I am actually one of the biggest romantics out there. I have come to find and also with a little of my own reading, that early marriage is oober risky. I grew up wanting it more than life itself, someone to share life with, still do. Today, I harp more on trying to do me first. It does nto come without it's challenges! I s...

How amazing this life is truly. Separated by time and space and surrounding areas of change. I took a break from bible study. Worried I would miss out on all of the fun, I wondered if I had made the right choice. With my next trip approaching in almost a month, I knew I had to slow down. I spent the weekend reading, swimming, doing chores, staring at the ceiling, biking, a womens/moms fun game night and a missions potluck. Some of it was spent in front of the television, which was time I felt was not wasted. I used to rent tons of books from the library and had zero time to read any except one. Work can get boring or stressful. What a joy and blessing to be able to check myself a bit and relax. I forget I need some time off too. I am used to the go go Jane and that can be draining week after week. It is my favorite thing to be busy, but it is also nice to just be. The excitment for my trip and also being and seeing my two college buddies Jason and Ashley get hithed this Septemeber ...

Rancho Santa Marta Mission Trip I was away for eight solid days in Mexico, learning about the children at the school and the ranch itself. We traveled to Ensenada the first day and had lunch in town. After passing the culture shock, dirty and nasty area of Tijuana, I realized how much God and these people needed our help. I did manual labor for 6 days, electric chiseling, regular chiseling, picking up debri, sweeping, and hauling out excess cement for a junior high. We had bonfires at night and devotionals in the morning and evening. Our team of 47 wonderful people took 7 vans and a huge truck to haul our luggage. Renn and Matt, our team leaders, worked well together, and had so much innovative ideas and strong energy towards this cause. That team became my family that week and the team parents became my loving caring parents who watched over me, protected me, advised me, listened to me, and showed me why we were there. I met the school director who told us about her and her husband...

I have seriously seen enough news about Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner. We have so much other stuff going on in the world, that this I want to say "quit it." I don't know that person, but I do not have any right to judge. So many judgements rolling around right now, its ridiculous. From people posting gym progress pictures, to what someone wears, or stereotyping men and women when they have zero clue what they are talking about. I went to a bar the other night, still in work clothes, just me, and a guy gave me the once over like I was in the wrong place and overdressed. He handed me the wine list and I smiled and asked for the beer list. He apologized and told me he just figured that is what I would want. I didnt say a word. I like beer and wine, so that is fine. I prefer beer to be honest, and yes I watch sports on tv, so Im not a typical social media or the like, of a woman. Hallejuah! Same goes with anything in life especially dating. It irks me big time when people poke aro...

 Locker rooms are seriously dangerous. You laugh now, but seriously, the floors in there are slippery, and do not have mats anywhere. I almost fell yesterday, on my way back from the shower. I never realized how much are haste makes waist. I think it is the same for anywhere if we keep on rushing we are more likely to get hurt. I slipped on the tile floor of my parents house a long time ago, but still feel it in my tailbone from the fall.  I am naturally pretty boney, which means I am highly susceptible to bruising post falls. I am trying to curtail that by working out, getting stronger, and noticing my surroundings more. Call me grace seems to be pretty common for when I take nose dive and fall right down. It's actually pretty scary if you aren't paying close attention or you accidentally misinterpret where a step might be or etc.    I think people don't realize an injury from a fall can range from a sprain to a complete bone break, depending on how you fell, wh...

It's really frustrating when you are talking to someone who almost makes you feel demeaned in a way, or ignored even. I am critical of myself and always have been. If I'm honest, I know that is a flaw and I am aware of it. Confidence is for sure a sexy quality! The thing that bothers me is that it's as if I have to be on my guard all the time with people I appear to think are better, and it doesn't feel right. I find that same demographic in people, or did anyway. I thought it worked out, but the more I became privy to the control and the power they had over me, I realized it wasn't so nice anymore. There is nothing more uncomfortable, than being around someone who criticizes you, advises you, ignores you, or tries to change you. As I mentioned before, I have a mother, a counselor, and siblings for that lol, don't need another! I do appreciate honesty and criticism when it is given, but for some people it feels blatant. I wonder if it's a power trip; like if...