Dating or not in the 21st century

I said it wouldn’t write about my personal dating life or what it’s like to be solo mio, but after watching a romantic comedy to polish off my Saturday night, I couldn’t hold it in. The story was about how a woman who dreamed of writing for a professional magazine (side note I had a dream of my own to work for the New York Times, or be a TV host) had a precise checklist and she wanted to find the perfect match. Her problem? She was single, jobless, and searching for direction. <Sure, sure, insert, cheesy line of: and she falls in love, we’ve heard this before> crap and the acting in this movie is terrible, no it’s awful; ignore all of the fluff and I think these writers were on to something and I think I actually believed it. The film hardly touched on what it was like to date as a single girl in the twenty first century, in fact the movie made it seem all too easy to find eligible, handsome, intelligent, driven, (I could go on, but you get the point) men. Well, the woman named Lane creates this idea of everything she wants in a guy and has to navigate through the working world, being a single girl in a man dominant industry to try to and him. In a previous blog entry I spoke of reality vs. the dreamboat, and how the guy you end up with isn’t going to make your whole checklist, in fact he may not even make it at all. Being single has it’s perks, peace and quiet, in charge of yourself and your space, available to date and go out to bars, clubs, parties, and meet a ton of guys without worrying about offending anyone or raising suspicion. Being single is fun and adventurous; you learn more about yourself during this time and you can do what you please and follow all of your dreams. However, when single the dating world is not like the movies, actually it’s trickier and it’s not black and white at all. For example, if you are in college dating can come naturally because you are around large groups at a college campus, meeting guys in classes, dorms, sporting events, pep rallies, school clubs, bars, and just about anywhere. Okay, now try dating after graduating, holding a full time job. Not so easy anymore. I was remotely curious on how to solve this dilemma so I punched into the google prompt: where do I go to meet single, professional men? Enter Dr. Jen Bernam. She writes a fantastic list of what to do and where to go. There are almost 100 items on there. I skipped a few and found, oh yes the work place. Most  work policies don’t forbid dating, but they don’t encourage it. Dating 101, try not to date people in the work place. As people say, if it doesn’t end well, you have to see them in public as long as you still hold employment in the same building. I ruled that possibility out the window and tried church. I found that wherever I went, most guys were already married and had met their wonderful spouse their or in… .wait for it…. High school. Wonderful to meet a man in a setting where I feel community and most at home. Damn. Moving on down the list, coffee shops, super market, AT and T store, online, through friends, etc. All these I have tried a couple times. Ever wonder what it’s like to sit reading a book alone? Maybe no one approaches you unless you are reading a controversial novel, who knows but I take a book to Starbucks and read for an hour to kick Jen’s theory. Try grabbing an apple and checking it’s firmness or asking dumb questions about your phone, that you already know the answer to. Both although suave ideas are beyond silly, because if it doesn’t work, you still have to pay for the items you put in a bag and walked around with or leave the AT and T store when the service guy takes a new customer. How about online dating? Let’s see… paying money for a site that sets you up with matches who hardly even seem like your type at all, waste time on the internet that you could be doing other productive things, but people say it really works…. “I know this friend and he knows a guy and well I could set you up?” She sends you a picture and suddenly you are in a jungle gym choking for dear life, at how pathetic that turned out to be(thanks anyways.) The friend route is tough because of the whole ‘don’t want to ruin what we have’ or ‘I know you feel this way but I don’t’ lines. There was one I enjoyed so much, I didn’t see it coming when he hit the exit, and forgot about me completely. Or how about the one you just got to know and they promise to be a great friend slash person, and they do, but there isn’t going to be a you plus him ever. Some people have had it work. This girl, not so much. Went into the dance world and met some men there. It’s sexy when a man can dance, and he makes you feel like incredible on the dance floor; however, you either fall for them and they leave you at the curb for their dynamic dance partner, or that person maybe isn’t an interest at all, but so worth knowing, dancing and being friends with. Online dating was another hit and miss target. I paid money and sat through a survey, posted some photos of myself, and pressed send on messages I sent to some men I found, who never responded. Hmm maybe it’s that I project single like a feminist Betsy Friedman or Ann Coulter, or my heart is on my sleeve, or my mouth stretches to Georgia on any given time table. Ah single, where you go to a wedding, sit in a corner and hope no one knows you don’t have a date, or that you enjoyed watching the single women kill each other over the bouquet. How about a family get together or party, where everyone there is a couple, and ask if you are seeing anyone. Single is a dumb label society has for people who supposedly don’t have anybody or that they are alone in the world. No single may be freedom and amazing, but it’s harder to find Mr. Right ha even Mr. Right now, because you are looking. Yes, then the ever popular “ you will find someone if you are not looking and when you least expect it” line of the year. Hyprocite, negative Norman? Okay, not everyone goes by that manual. If it doesn’t you are still set out to prove everyone wrong, even when you have nothing to base your case on. I am single, enjoying life,  intent on following my dreams, but if Mr. I think- I can –change-your mind for real and forever- comes along or never does, I think that’s actually alright, because there is no sense dating Mr. Wrong! Also I have a whole lot I'd like to do on my bucket list!