Alter Ego: What a way to wanna be


  Fiona from the hit tv show Burn Notice is most certainly my alter ego. She wastes no time on making sure she blasts the complete crap out of anyone especially her boyfriend Michael, if he’s being an idiot. She is headstrong, knows a lot about guns, doesn’t take no for an answer, she’s in shape, brave, and a total badass. Whenever I watch this show, or Xeva from NCIS, it’s the perfect anecdote to pretend for a moment I am that woman. I am the direct opposite. I am very kind, I care what people think, I work out like a maniac, I have a sharp tongue, and a compassionate heart. Fiona is my alter ego, but I sincerely want to be strong as she is all the time, that way I could stop thinking so much. To stop thinking of him, to stop thinking of work, or whether or not I should go to this place, or whether or not this person likes my outfit, or if I have plans this weekend. Fi isn’t hard on herself, she does what she can, and when she can’t she lets someone else take the lead. Blast, that I have always wanted to have a bit of power, not to fear a bad guy or let go of hope for that man to not be a dickhead and want to be with me. Xeva fights for her life, and she majority of the episodes smacks Dinozzo upside the head, and makes sure he doesn’t forget it. Both women know how to dance very well (which I have never bothered to continue lessons because I feel like a fool) even though I love it so, and someone broke my heart there. They aren’t wishy-washy or sentimental or go weak at the knees, all of which, (small hand goes up) I can be. Fiona actually love Mike, and Xeva turns out likes Tony, or so they say, but these two are older than I am. I have all the time in the world, but sometimes I enjoy daydreaming part of it, where I am them, and everything that I’ve ever worked for makes sense. Fiona and Xeva travel places, and they both have one thing in common: agents. The one tough girl listing I have to date thanks to my gym buddy, is I can bench 55lbs and curl 20s. I also told a jerk to hit the curb and that I never wanted to see him again. This little diary of mine, is my power, my voice, when I feel that I am being pushed away. I can’t say I am either of these ladies, but I a fighter in a sensitive clamshell ready to burst and blossom into the palms of my hysteria. If I had the chance to see that one guy again, maybe my stomach wouldn’t turn to sludge and my heart wouldn’t pound so much, I’d just say, “How do you like me now? or you thought you had me, didn’t you?” (sighs)  but that’s just a dream. I don’t need to be anyone to know if someone is all wrong, or if something isn’t right. An alter ego could be there to challenge me, make me feel alive when I practice that change, especially at the gym, at home, with people, but maybe it’s there to show me, I don’t need that at all; that I can appreciate what I have and what I am are just enough!

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