Letter to my past : guy bffs
A note to my "its not meant to be" men. Name changes for safety and protection. Sensitive data but from the heart. The first few men in my life besides my brothers who I never knew could make me feel like I did were several guys. I have to write this down because although they aren't present anymore in my life but are still very much great guys. A. Long from high school, you played the trumpet and were just about the goofiest guy ever who liked many women but found one who prompted you to love. David you knew how to make a girl laugh even if it meant standing on your head to do it! You were off the wall and made sure people knew. Babes! sweet, very friendly and sociable and Mike Reynolds welcomed me in Student Gov with so much energy and love who wouldn't be attracted to swimmers and water polo players with hearts. 316 you are my sisters bff and I had the biggest crush on you. I didn't tell Jackie until later but when I did she laughed so much she choked lol. She said nope Mike is like our brothers Margo no way no how. Ah, girl crush memory.
Double D, most handsome officer on campus, you made sure I made it home safely, took me off-roading in a BMW if that was possible?! Made fun of your sunglasses and watched you dance like a goonie at brew brothers. You are a gentlemen and always gave me a hug when I was sad or low. Seeing you as an officer had me learn quite a bit about the police and I knew our campus was in good hands with that group. I love you dearly old friend, Charlie take care of him please :). Gideon! You insomniac, random adventure seeker, trouble maker you. I shared so many late night talks about school, philosophy of life and dumb musings. I miss and love you old friend.
Armond aka Captain Cupcake, tall and charming. I have no doubt you make a great fireman, an old man just kidding, a goofball, a sarcastic nerd, kind, and hilarious. I think mustaches are okay I guess haha. You made me smile and I felt badly about picking fights that weren't necessary. I have to make this known. I'm attracted to you. I was when I first met you. I tried to hide it but failed. Ill miss you, you get me, and I wholeheartedly appreciate that. Lawman. Holy crap. I hated you the first time we met. You seemed to hate me too lol. Sign language class somehow the words I'm sorry and something changed. You party like a rock star and have a huge heart, love snow as much as I do and make me laugh! I liked you for a little while and it cost me but it was worth it. Double major, hard working, crazy, pub crawl
king, you are a good friend man am I thrilled, that lady is your gal, perfect fit! Chappers I was 18 I think meeting you online, you were rugged handsome and sweet. I think you are the best modern British gentleman soldier I have the chance of knowing. Izz squizz and upcoming baby to be and your wife have the best dad and husband in the world international side that is. You woke me up at 2pm ur time 6am my time and our goofy faces, chats, travel talk and dreams. My heart will always be with you and your family, my friend. One day I will meet you and the fam, thanks for changing my world the minute I heard your voice.
I admit fully the men I've chosen to surround myself with and date and spent time with have been broken and terrible and hurtful to me. So when I turned to all of you, I didn't and haven't known yet what a healthy solid, difficult but normal relationship really was and really is. I'm used to molding for a person, giving all I have and exhausting myself so they are happy. I wanted all of your attention so much I forgot the words "Take a Chance on Me" aren't realistic, but incredibly needy and ridiculous sounding. Had I known before would it have changed how you thought of me? Would things be different. I don't know, but I do know is you cant change the past, make someone care for you, or be someone you aren't. I tried to get even and wanted you to miss me, but if I'm honest with myself the truth is, if we didn't mesh well at the start it wouldn't have worked anyways. Chemistry is key. Privvy to my own weaknesses (we all have them) and strong loath for waiting, I think I wanted to be loved and liked right away, still do. Most men don't think like this. Forgive me because then it was so hard to be your friends because I was so ensconced in my desire to be with you and get what I wanted, a tall, handsome, smart guy who liked me, that I squashed quality friendships with all of you. I know what you are thinking the words, 'overdramatic, emotional, overthinking, psycho freak' escape your lips, but I'm not. I could have been then and wouldn't doubt it. As of present, I'm a strong, beautiful young woman who is trying to grow and learn so that when Mr. right does show up, Ill be ready to be with him. So wherever you are, Ill get there, just have faith and all the best to you and yours!
Love,
Moxie
Double D, most handsome officer on campus, you made sure I made it home safely, took me off-roading in a BMW if that was possible?! Made fun of your sunglasses and watched you dance like a goonie at brew brothers. You are a gentlemen and always gave me a hug when I was sad or low. Seeing you as an officer had me learn quite a bit about the police and I knew our campus was in good hands with that group. I love you dearly old friend, Charlie take care of him please :). Gideon! You insomniac, random adventure seeker, trouble maker you. I shared so many late night talks about school, philosophy of life and dumb musings. I miss and love you old friend.
Armond aka Captain Cupcake, tall and charming. I have no doubt you make a great fireman, an old man just kidding, a goofball, a sarcastic nerd, kind, and hilarious. I think mustaches are okay I guess haha. You made me smile and I felt badly about picking fights that weren't necessary. I have to make this known. I'm attracted to you. I was when I first met you. I tried to hide it but failed. Ill miss you, you get me, and I wholeheartedly appreciate that. Lawman. Holy crap. I hated you the first time we met. You seemed to hate me too lol. Sign language class somehow the words I'm sorry and something changed. You party like a rock star and have a huge heart, love snow as much as I do and make me laugh! I liked you for a little while and it cost me but it was worth it. Double major, hard working, crazy, pub crawl
king, you are a good friend man am I thrilled, that lady is your gal, perfect fit! Chappers I was 18 I think meeting you online, you were rugged handsome and sweet. I think you are the best modern British gentleman soldier I have the chance of knowing. Izz squizz and upcoming baby to be and your wife have the best dad and husband in the world international side that is. You woke me up at 2pm ur time 6am my time and our goofy faces, chats, travel talk and dreams. My heart will always be with you and your family, my friend. One day I will meet you and the fam, thanks for changing my world the minute I heard your voice.
I admit fully the men I've chosen to surround myself with and date and spent time with have been broken and terrible and hurtful to me. So when I turned to all of you, I didn't and haven't known yet what a healthy solid, difficult but normal relationship really was and really is. I'm used to molding for a person, giving all I have and exhausting myself so they are happy. I wanted all of your attention so much I forgot the words "Take a Chance on Me" aren't realistic, but incredibly needy and ridiculous sounding. Had I known before would it have changed how you thought of me? Would things be different. I don't know, but I do know is you cant change the past, make someone care for you, or be someone you aren't. I tried to get even and wanted you to miss me, but if I'm honest with myself the truth is, if we didn't mesh well at the start it wouldn't have worked anyways. Chemistry is key. Privvy to my own weaknesses (we all have them) and strong loath for waiting, I think I wanted to be loved and liked right away, still do. Most men don't think like this. Forgive me because then it was so hard to be your friends because I was so ensconced in my desire to be with you and get what I wanted, a tall, handsome, smart guy who liked me, that I squashed quality friendships with all of you. I know what you are thinking the words, 'overdramatic, emotional, overthinking, psycho freak' escape your lips, but I'm not. I could have been then and wouldn't doubt it. As of present, I'm a strong, beautiful young woman who is trying to grow and learn so that when Mr. right does show up, Ill be ready to be with him. So wherever you are, Ill get there, just have faith and all the best to you and yours!
Love,
Moxie
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