Violence in the world, the appearance of having feelings, all we can do is love

The terrorist attack at the Orlando nightclub has left me saddened and speechless. This event now marks the biggest shooting in the U.S.; as if we needed a reminder. My heart breaks for those families and my prayers go out to them at this time. And for what? The LGBT community is on high alert and this hatred is so wrong. I shudder as I made the mistake of reading some of the kid’s text messages before they were gone forever. It’s hard to ignore on a slow day at work and its right there in front of your face reminding you of how sad this truly is. All the violence in this world day after day is exhausting. Although I do not agree with some of Obama’s views and may not support him as a president, it has got to be difficult to get up there to address a public in the aftermath of any tragedy. We sit there and we bash him as a president.

A president has only so much time during his candidacy to address and accomplish certain things. A president can’t do all that he said he would do. Shocker. It’s not possible. If you think you can do better, get in line. This world is full of sick sick, weird, mentally unstable people. I try not to complain about my life, and I am reminded of how little that matters compared to this. The stories we don’t publish as much anymore is when a six yr old pays for a policeman’s meal, or when a young boy graduates from college and his picture is shown taking the bus to his own graduation. The things some of my generation miss out on because they are so ensconced in another presidency or what the hell is Kaitlyn Jenner up to or shall I tweet about this weekend’s music fest. Still others are upset about the U.S. not doing anything about what happened. I am sure we could do something, but united we stand, right? That is a lot to do. Still others talk about arm the bartenders and bouncers with guns. I don’t know what the right answer is anymore. My heart worries with nightmares every night for my own family and even myself as I am traveling overseas or even going out with friends. It still makes me debate whether I should travel again. I cannot live in fear though, otherwise, I won’t live life. I have to take as much precaution as I can, and keep on living.

The only thing I can do is feel. I can feel for others and do what I can from where I am at. I like to make others feel better especially when I feel awful. If I am down for some reason if I help others it helps me as well. If someone needs dinner, a pick me up, a prayer, a note, encouragement, a hug, a laugh, I’m there. My heart is full even when I don’t want to or when I am stressed or tired. I convince myself someone out there needs me and this isn’t about you. The feeling of someone not speaking to you and it’s staring you in the face, or you dealing with something frustrating you didn’t think you would have to deal with, or the transition of it all. I think a thousand things at once and one minute it’s this, the next it’s that. They tell you not to take on other’s inventory that is true, because if you put the world on your shoulders, then you fall. If you are my friend or my family though, I do it because I care. The appearance of feelings, that to some of you seems so ridiculous, or too much, or a problem, or challenging. If I could say one thing, it would be this, to feel is to be alive and human. All we can do in this world, ignore it if you must, but all we can do is love.