Stay at home mom, Landmark, this and that, goodbye Midtowne on the Park

 Hello!

Took another a long hiatus from these posts. I have been a busy momma. I left my job at Lockheed Martin June 2nd last year. I left the comfy cushion of a good salary, 9 hr days, and daycare days to days where I am central focused on kids, rather than when I will get my nails done, or when my next day off is. I attend St. John's Baptist Mother's morning out group once a week, 2 hrs in the basement discussing a book with other moms while the kids are in nursery or toddler class, beneficial. Learning to say no to things rather than yes to everything. I said no to women's bible study, which I love, to yes to more time with the kiddos, and yes to supporting my husband and the unpredictable work schedule. I say no to rushing from here to there unless part of our normal routine, and said goodbye to friends who do not fit changes, or energy, those who do not understand or give back. 

    Becoming a stay at home mom has helped me get back the moments I had lost out on Miles for 2 years straight. Maya has been growing fast, and I was gifted another blessing to breastfeed both babes for a yr. I do not miss the hormone upheaval or the energy takeaway, but the clinging moments of little hands, suckling sounds, and closeness that forever changed. I get up same time in mornings, or earlier to work out, but I am not wearing slacks, rushing everywhere anymore, and if items don't get picked up, no one will be knocking on my door telling me that is not acceptable. I am finding out, that the transition to no work would not happen overnight, and I will still feel isolated, or sad, or confused for a little while and that it would take time to adjust to being their full time rather than someone else caring for them and me simply picking up and dropping off. I had a brief panic period set in too, where I figured our kids would not be bright, or developed without daycare. They are doing great, and as my best friend out here says '"Every kid is like popcorn, they pop at their own pace."

I am learning after taking this course called the Landmark Forum, there were trapped items from my past, I was holding onto tightly, resentment, anger, fear, jealousy, so much more. I released them all, with hopes that this last weekend taking this 3 day 10 hr day course, meant, I was being intentional about who Margo is becoming and who she is leaving behind. The course continues with a seminar series twice a month till June. I look forward to solidifying what we learned, and putting it into practice. It helped me text an old friend, reach out and make peace with myself over their choice to not be friends anymore. It also helped me understand my family in a different light, and all this before my brother get's married, was important to separate it all, move forward, and keep doing the valuable work. It was more effective than therapy and self help books, both of which I have done for years. You do the work yourself and hear others work through it as well via zoom altogether. Something to remember from a sermon at church. We attract what we are, and attract what we want for ourselves and for others.

With that in mind, it has taken a long time to accept I will not be living in California again or even Washington, but my heart is open now after all this time, to accept Alabama is home. Our new home is a blessing all its own and the yard is ideal for the kids and Mia. God has given us our own nuclear family, a home, friends, a church and my heart is full of gratitude and in awe that we are deserving of such blessings and we pray others will be too. Flying by lickity split, some days, other days, it is a slow crawl out here in the South. So much has changed. Some of it remains the same. After all we have experienced, it is nice to hit the breaks come back to just our crew family time, even if it means Matt and I get less 'us' time, that will come later. Time is now. No time like the present. 

I so often wanted to compare myself to other people's yards, homes, garages, looks, cars, etc when we first moved into this new neighborhood Oct of last year. I am still finding myself looking around. It isn't easy either living right near Huntsville Airport, and the train station, so much noise. However, despite all this distraction and comparison, it is a haven that Matt and I had always dreamed up in our heads, with children, and we found it, and were fortunate to have it, cannot believe it is here. I will say, I will miss lil Towne Creek Place in Midtowne on the park, everything close by, with the greatest community, and trailhead, all this life to be seen. I had to move on, and let go of all it entailed, because we were not in daycare anymore, nor going to private school, and the kids needed more space. As we signed the paperwork on close day, a wave of relief and sadness washed over me, as I left with the kids to the car, and closed the door on the beautiful chapter that started us out here in Alabama. What a trip it was. 

Now on to this new chapter, in our new place as of last year, making more fun memories, closer to grocery stores, library, the YMCA, and some friends, good schools, as we look forward to watching our kids grow up. No waterworks tonight, but I am sure they will come forth like the gushing waters of Niagara Falls, but for now, a beautiful smile, because this all started as once upon a dream.

Night y'all.