Self growth – bucket list item #81

I went to a college counselor and that is mostly all I had done as far as therapy was concerned. I didn’t really like labels nor do I like the idea of being told that a certain drug may help, when I have never taken them and don’t plan to. However, while creating this master list I felt that spiritually, mentally, and physically, I have plenty of time to grow in this life. I thought maybe since I found a new church to try out a program that is 12 weeks, and do it just because. Self-growth is nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact my friend Bobby and I talked a lot about how people can really benefit from it. Self-growth means being able to take a situation and not react, but respond in a professional, appropriate manner. The most difficult parts of human personalities can be ones weaknesses. I struggle with patience, emotional stability at times, sensitivity, a need to be right, etc. I could keep going, but my intent was to show up to this person, (yes they are a stranger) and vent in a healthy way. Once I leave that building I feel refreshed and I am able to better tackle situations I am in, or I feel relieved, as in what I described was not as bad as I had made it seem. Self-growth is when you can step back and look at a problem and discover ways to solve it, or make it right for you. I had a friend who used to carry stones in their pocket to remind them to stay calm and keep quiet, just listen. At first it sounded rather compulsive and bizarre; because who has stones in their pocket and swirls them around when upset or mad? My assignment was to find some. I thought hell no, that’s mental retardation or hospitalization techniques, right?! My insecurities aside, I was given a set from my mother, and I hope I can start getting in the habit of using them. It’s not worth it, to try to tell someone what to do, or how to live their life, like don’t carry that in there, or why did you do that?, why can’t you be more like me, etc? Self-growth is when we can recognize that we are not perfect by any means, and even if we don’t go see someone, in fact you don’t need to, but it helps to have friends and family in whom you can trust to be able to share these things. I think it’s hilarious that some people freak out when you mention you are going, or that you are trying to work on yourself; clearly they have nothing better to do with their time, and maybe need help more than you do. What is it about self-growth that makes us fear or doubt that we can adapt or change? Self-growth means admitting you might be wrong, or that you are truly sorry for whatever it is you did or felt you didn’t do. So many friendships are ruined by self-righteousness, pride, egos, time, selfishness, ignorance, and most of all, jealousy. I hate the last one, because I find that people are envious of others. I know I am, but I cannot let that happen because I am the way the Lord made me. Last night at bible study, we learned that we are how God made us: weak, needy, confused, and complicated and in need of Him, and of each other. Just because we cannot see the stars doesn’t mean that they are not there. I love that line. I love it simply because it is so very true. We can get so clouded by our own crap, that we don’t even see others or let them in. How we live our lives and how we choose to grow is so important, and defines each of us in different ways.  Self-growth is a pebble in sand that impedes your walkway, or a spot you think will never leave, but if we make it a crutch it stay that way; embrace diversity, embrace change, and challenges! Maybe this woman with her Dr. Who belt and bowl haircut sitting across from me isn’t such a coo coo brain, after all, and this might be fun!