Writing our 'Story' and Rants : Love the one your with, small town blues, and tell the truth

Rare that I would blanket so many topics into one entry, but a mind exploration for all three being so heavy on my heart right now. I was told today the divorce rate here is 70 percent. Now, whether or not that is true, or if that even makes up the right percentage the reality is the same. Some people I wonder if they quit because it's too hard, or they don't get exactly what they want or expect like how it is in the early stages of a relationship before someone yanks your chain or leads you on, whatever you want to tell people to justify that your spouse is wrong and you aren't right. No, you are both at fault. One lie folks, can turn into many more, and it hurts when someone who loves you so much is the last to know. How I know, I don't. I do have friends who I knew who used me as their scape goat to be with someone else by saying they were hanging out with me so the other person wouldn't know. Catch a clue. That isn't right or classy. Just be honest. Yes, love is hard and it also affects you in a way no one can explain but you, but it should not destroy your spirit or who you are. As God as my witness, I will love the one I'm with one day. We will earn one another's love and turn to the Lord for advice. Maybe that doesn't work for you, or maybe it didn't and you thought it would. No one will learn anything by being right all the time, or selfish, or arrogant, or with immaturity. It's sad to know that as a society we don't seem to try, and if we do try it just doesn't seem good enough in our minds, so we quit or we assume responsibility for something that wasn't ours to hold on to. Love the one your with, sure it is boring, sure its stupid, but it beats the dating world and the uncertainty of the games some people play. I'm not even old enough to understand most things at 25, but I'm an adult I understand a few, and when I see others who act as if they are in their teens and skate around their feelings, and their intentions, and it becomes one big mess of hopes and expectations, all a waste of time. Be up front and show it. Maybe they aren't there yet, or you aren't. But, ( yep I did a grammar foul, started sentence with 'but') what is the good out of you staying together if no one is on the same wavelength and can accept and really know themselves as a team?  I've lived in a small town, where I hear the good news of someone having another child, a new person moving into the area, another one got a new job, and I seem to go everywhere and see someone I know. The town seems to get smaller and smaller and I'm in the quick sand with no way around or an exit to get to. Maybe it's as if I'm not in this surburbia or belong here and special moments of families, lives built over years before I even showed, up seem to take over in my mind, when it could be nothing at all. At first all of it felt like home and I was safe and comfortable. If I feel both of those things though, or continue to, I will never leave and really start my life. Today's sermon was about (Tim Daakin credit, great pastor by the way) The Story and how we need to live out His Story, because that is the upper story. The lower story right now is how we live each day to day and struggle just as everyone else does in different ways. I was on the phone with a very good friend of mine, who moved away from here back to Fresno. She and I talked about feeling stuck, wanting a change, to serve our Father, and to not be tied to familiarity. We go to what is familiar and collective, because we get a warm feeling or it makes us feel better when we are down. I am still eating dinner at my parents house and staying the night sometimes. Most kids think that is literally insane. It's not. These people help write our story and God teaches us lessons and gives us the tools. It could be bored at the current job, or feeling worn down, tired, lost, hurt, broke, depressed. scared. I told her we have to find what works, find our passion and use this passion to not only serve. I also recognize I feeling fizzled out and less invigorated about work than I did on day one when I started. That is rough to feel because you don't want to feel burned out without creativity or vigor. But sometimes the few things we want right this second, or tomorrow or for this person to do or be what we want, are not given to us for a reason. If we were to succeed every time and receive exactly what we ask, like my prayers for the divorce rate and for the loss of love in this world, no more games, a future with work, someone, a dog, etc, none of it would be worth it, if I was given all of it right away. Sure, it irks me to no end to not see results right now, but the Story isn't a short one, and maybe if I'm honest with myself and with others, one day it will be written or told rather well. I hate to see something go up in flames because observing from the side lines and wondering what in the heck went wrong, or how do I fix this, or myself...you can't do anything and you want so much to satisfy useless empty voids and needs that once there, hardly lasts and keep worth. it starts with our attitude and ends with my least favorite words: Be patient dear it will come to you. So, tell the truth even if no one wants to hear it, make the most of where you are at, and love whoever is right there with you, because we gain more from the others and the man above, than we would working on this Story alone. Moxie signing off to get ready for the week!