Margo's got Moxie ! : the diary of miss red high heels

It's 1am. You sent a text in the afternoon or no you sent several, and you look at your phone and began to think that you are the problem, that you are the failure, that no one cares, or that no one sees you, or maybe it's just you rolling inside your head. You know you don't mean to, you just triggered, and the spinning has started. Lack of sleep, hard day, or maybe you want to try and cover up that you feel badly of how something went. Negative self talk is one of the most powerful, awful effects of Borderline Personality Disorder. In fact it rules so much, that a regular, successful, beautiful woman, who is already loved, breaks down and becomes what she is not. There a triggers, first it's when they feel threatened or disrespected, or ignored. Really, for everyone once that happens, usually a person lets go, says fuck that person, accepts the situation, and moves on. A person with BPD, in other words, heavy anxiety, doesn't. They hold themselves responsible for ...

I hate when people say that. It's like telling a person who isn't really athletic to jump a treadmill. Usually you don't catch people saying that, then if they do, they weren't taught how to be humble when they were young. I don't know. Good lor, it takes a lot in me to not turn around and snap back. Sure, that sounds like I'm angry, but the reality is, I get tired of hearing it. It could be a relative eager for grandchildren (which I know you want them, but I'm 26, not 38, chill out). I love hearing when someone is going to have a baby or they are expecting, or when someone gets engaged. Please don't peg me as cynical. I am not. I am actually one of the biggest romantics out there. I have come to find and also with a little of my own reading, that early marriage is oober risky. I grew up wanting it more than life itself, someone to share life with, still do. Today, I harp more on trying to do me first. It does nto come without it's challenges! I s...

How amazing this life is truly. Separated by time and space and surrounding areas of change. I took a break from bible study. Worried I would miss out on all of the fun, I wondered if I had made the right choice. With my next trip approaching in almost a month, I knew I had to slow down. I spent the weekend reading, swimming, doing chores, staring at the ceiling, biking, a womens/moms fun game night and a missions potluck. Some of it was spent in front of the television, which was time I felt was not wasted. I used to rent tons of books from the library and had zero time to read any except one. Work can get boring or stressful. What a joy and blessing to be able to check myself a bit and relax. I forget I need some time off too. I am used to the go go Jane and that can be draining week after week. It is my favorite thing to be busy, but it is also nice to just be. The excitment for my trip and also being and seeing my two college buddies Jason and Ashley get hithed this Septemeber ...