Maybe means no and learning to avoid toxic people

It has been a few weeks or so since having a good time with a few dates and some guys. But that was weeks ago and they dropped off the radar completely and the contacting went back down to minimal or nothing at all. You think for a second how did went so well or so you thought, go south. They could have someone on side, went back to their ex, not a good time, or not into you, but will not say. I hate the word maybe. It means a direct no. 
   People say it doesn't but it most certainly means no if it comes from someone you know does not make commitments well, guy or girl. It is great. You has a great time and you think this is going somewhere and it crashes and burns. You are left feelin shitty and not so confident about how you did even if it is not about you. In my case, not a clue what is goin on, and still dealin with the aftermath of a few past failed friendships with people who brutally make you feel sad inside and question your sense of self and worth; even if they dont know they are doin it or they do and it stings. They are not worth my tears, time and energy anymore.
     I have been listening to k-love radio, normally don't but something about the music and getting my hair done last friday (against budget rules) felt good to do. My downstairs neighbors gossiped about me through the walls and insulted my dog. I honestly had to remind myself he has time on his hands to make fun of me, and that my life and circumstances are good. This is just a season, this pain this self esteem kick to the gut will not last forever and it will be great soon. I think that is how it goes. It was nice to get out of dodge this weekend and I even had a break from Mia and she me which I hope helped. 
   Sometimes I stress myself out so much I have to remember not to take it out on her. I cannot make something happen or change anyone. In my mind, I must reject their rejection and cut them out of my world if they most certainly dont want me in theirs. Not everybody likes you and soon I will drop the need to be liked. I also hope one day people will understand anxiety persons and love us for who we are, because the struggle we have is rough, but we are pretty awesome individuals if you give us the patience and consideration we deserve and for yourself as well. Take the good with the bad, as some of my friends say. 

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