Fear that steps out from within: a mass array of complicated philosophical thought

A little late to cross examine, but the underlying fear some have, including me (I know and am working on) is of abandonment. I see it in friendships, relationships, in life basically at least in the past and so far. An argument of fighting arises to deflect a larger issue, which is really the fear of being alone. Kind of embarrassing to admit actually because we crave connection or some of us do, and sometimes it's quick and put together rapidly, or it's slow, gradual, or resisting at a pace we can't seem to work with. The emotional capacity at which we allow ourselves to love within, directly affects those with which we bind ourselves to.

 How drastically we can misunderstand something that was so simple, yet becomes dressed up as a disappointment if communicated incorrectly or on the web. Our pride can foster worry because we want to be accepted er at least well I do. People shut you out as soon as you say you have this going on, or you are like a certain way, or maybe they cannot say anything back or help, because deep down, they don't' know how. Their direct response isn't your problem.

It isn't something they need to handle, but wouldn't it be nice if we took the time to hear each other? The world may not know peace, and if we sit here and judge, we haven't made ourselves a lover and purveyor of what we swore we would be for others. What do I mean? I mean when someone says they are a lover, they will do all they can, or love when they can, right, it's conditional, it's only on their terms. If we place condition on one another, only want what we want, miscommunication and misunderstand everything, take what we have for us, (sure it's okay to be selfish in certain instances); but if there is to be condition, then it is not love.

This abandonment this fear, this anxiety, this pride, are each their own beacon that harnesses why we become angry or sad with others. We agree to disagree. Do we fight too much, do we fight too little? Any one person is not exactly aligned, emotionally, physically or mentally. What a beautiful thing! So, if we are all unique, it's infinitely better to learn more about each other and especially what alludes us.

For example, if I was to say I am a fighter, I fight for that which I love; I am saying I won't give up on even my oppressors so to speak. Technically that could be conditional and meant only for people in my inner circle that I trust. So too, though, that the biggest take away here, is that we accept and allow what we think will make us happier: either in love, in work, in people, and in life. If a lover, I say I love, but I do not fight, does that mean I do not fight for those I care about, or I avoid such conflicts due to my past or my failures and insecurities?

We allow others into our lives for a reason right, so too, do we take them out, and rid ourselves of them, once they become devoid of value to us regardless if that person hopes to stay there with us.

What am I exactly, but a bi product of my own words and actions? Actions speak louder than words. Although if word is bond, we have to find what matters more to us- i.e. the lover and the fighter, replacing the pride and the fear. We choose who surrounds us, and we choose how we want to be with each person. In conclusion, do we play safe to avoid pain, hide away socially/physically, challenge what we may not comprehend, accept the risk of abandonment, or hold on to only what we have the energy to give and stay with?

 Finally, communicate more on both sides, listen more, and stop blaming! There is no right, and there is no wrong. There is you, and then there is that person, and if you do lash out, apologize, forgive, and learn again.

Ah, my psychology teacher's wheels would be turning right about now. I do miss introspective discussions. Now for coffee!