I'm sexy and I know it: Knight in Shining Armor. Vs. Squire in Tin Foil

I’m sexy and I know it: Knight in Shining Armor vs. Squire in Tin Foil

(If you are easily offended and do not enjoy sarcasm, please don’t read, but if you do, please note: comments made here are not directed towards any individual.) In medieval times, the knight was considered the macho hero and his little squire was a silent, scrawny looking boy who held his jousting stick and tended to his horses. History isn’t a Sports Illustrated magazine, but it didn’t’ hesitate to point out, here’s the male complex regarding status and appearance. Napolean? Yes, he was a very short leader, with a proclivity of being truly arrogant. Abe Lincoln? Honest Abe was a tall presidentwho was quite skinny, but managed to save a terrible onslaught of slavery with the help of the ever powerful preacher Martin Luther. I am sure I could probably mention plenty of other men in history, who this superiority implies. However, the most common one is David and Goliath from the bible. David was tiny and Goliath towered like nobody has ever seen. In fact, he exists today in the form of Hall of Fame’s Ralph Sampson (don’t be upset I did have to look that up), Yao Ming, and Oklahoma City Thunder’s, Hasheem Thabeet, who is 7 foot 3 and that’s just basketball! Your David counterparts are: Spongebob Squarepants (and air pump for strength and height gain doesn’t count), and Mini Me also known as Verne J. Troyer from Austin Powers (he did present a wicked fight in the movie I might add). History created a mold of models for men just like they did women: (Susan B Anythony, Betty Freidman, and Michelle Obama. We can’t go back in time like my favorite man, The Doctor and make everything equal or rewrite history, but sure is interesting. What is it about the man in shining armor, I mean women describe him as being ridiculously sexy and funny, strong, and rugged, or at least that was from Ellen who presented the latest Australian underwear model who was a guest on her show. Take Mark Sloan (Eric Dane) from Grey’s Anatomy or Gerard Butler from P.S. I Love You, and suddenly I am in a tailspin of… (I’ll keep my thoughts to myself!) I remember meeting my first Admiral at work, and to us girls: whoever told you that these defense folks are ugly and old were lying to you big time! Wrong! The one I met, yes he’s not even 50 and he’s a total fox. I have a tendency to meet very attractive people at the most inopportune moments. I met this hunk yes, right at the break room and bumped right into him oatmeal bowl and all. Thankfully, nothing spilt, but my red face was as present as a watermelon stain on a white dress. He smiled and said, “Nice to meet you Miss, hope you enjoy your breakfast.” Hello, yes I will, right after I go die of embarrassment. He’s a customer of ours and whenever he visits I don’t remember his name, (one day I will learn it when I can make complete sentences). I think it is hilarious that I usually don’t get nervous, but with a hottie I will. Normally, I can walk right up to someone and tell them they are cute. I did that once in the library at University of Nevada.  I approached a guy who looked incredibly similar to Christian Bale and I told him forthright, “You look like Christian Bale and I think you are hot.” He was startled said an awkward thanks and left that section of the library. Oops, bad plan! Alright, so that wasn’t so smooth, but I’d like to see you talk to as a coworker says talk to Captain Gorgeous, or guys speak to Jessica Alba or I don’t know a Victoria Secret Model. If you can, well you rock, but if you can’t then you know exactly what I mean. We make out these folks to be super beautiful and handsome and the best part is, we dream about them, and want them very much. However, reality is we end up marrying a Jonah Hill or Chevy Chase, or a Fred Flinstone, and men you marry a Velma, a Mia Vardolos, or Bridget Jones. Don’t even lie; these are the squires with some characteristics as follows: awkward beginnings, shy charisma, nerdy personality, talkative, distinct opinions, bizarre dress patterns, random smile dimples, or their dizzying intellect.Sure like a lot of women today, I would not mind being in close contact with a Sloan, Iron Man, Wolverine, or even Johnny Depp.That is not the case, and you know people tell you never settle for Mister Good Enough. Wait. The squire is not Mr. Good Enough. History has misled us. That squire, although he could probably be wearing tin foil and the armor may be a bit big, or he looks boring in comparison to The Rock, he’s Mr. Wonderful. Ladies, I don’t know who rang your bell in high school, but have you ever read stories where that geeky kid from highschool who was in band is now one of the most handsome people you’ve ever seen, or that guy who never talked just so happens to be married and wealthy with four children. I am not even joking here. Even if for some a guy is actually always as hot as everyone says he is, I would hope a woman wouldn’t marry him because of his face. That page boyoverlooked is a handsome prince and has a whole lot more going for him than any of those clowns.  History throwback, Napolean was mean. Abe was not the best parent and forgive me for not substantiating these comments, but yes Lincoln had trouble with his other son, who didn’t want to be follow in Dad’s path. Character Mark Sloan is an egotistical jerk, (come on guys agree with me here); sure he gets pretty women to sleep with him and he’s hilarious bad boy, very witty and intelligent, but a gigantic prick. I am not saying he is this way in real life, but enter the engineering world or try getting an autograph from Michael Phelps and then maybe it will show. These men are famous, don’t have time for personalization, or thoughts, it’s what their demeanor implies: I’m sexy and I know it or (great in this case). Our squires are actually cute, it’s that kirky smile you missed, or the really buff shoulders he has underneath his shirt, insert Spiderman image. He’s a total dreamboat, but so is your man. He can hold a conversation even if he’s really picturing you nude, he fights with you like an adult but also a good five year old who doesn’t get his way all the time, but you love him! He’s so strong he built your house, and didn’t even break a sweat when the plumbing was leaking, okay maybe a little, but he got it done. He’s funny, he cares about you even if you would like to flush his head down the toilet every other day, (forget every other, it’s probably every day). Squire tells it like it is, and when he pulls his socks up like Steve Erkel, snaps his belly of supposed steel, flexes the muscle he has, picks you up like you weigh nothing (ignore some strain) that’s  hot! It’s what not what we imagined our knight to be at first, but we got it. Tell me this man doesn’t make you happy, and horny all in one day. If he doesn’t, I will delete this entry and bite my tongue. This man will love you and hate you better than a Goliath ever would, but the trick is, the true princes don’t leave when things get rough, or complicated. He’s sexy because he is mature and has a life. Men correct me here. I don’t think you all are marrying Jessica Simpson, miss “chicken of the sea, what’s that,” woman. No, if you are still married, you will answer “no, I married a pain in the ass, I mean Lily from How I Met Your Mother, or sorry, a total babe.” History messed with our heads. It’s not about what man can bench a max of 275lbs or how many women you can dance with at a club or sleep with in one night, noit’s about the man who whose guts you loathe, the one who helped you clean up a mess after laughing at you for a second, the one you are ignoring because ‘he’s too nice’ or eager, that texts you and asks how you are doing, without you chasing after him like a creepy bloodhound. Calm down. I am not saying go like him, but he’s an example of a squire, a good guy. How many jerks do you see having healthy marriages? No offense, but marriage means longevity and a happier life, honey, look it up if you don’t’ believe me. Marry a jerk, you get what you vowed for, a whole lot of sexy with zero substance or kindness. Granted, not all men who look amazing are this way, actually I know quite a few who are not, but as that ridiculous stereotype goes, he’s pretty, he’s an ass. All I am saying is, history and mainly society have depicted man so well we have to have a better eye on what is a good egg versus a rotten apple. Careful what you wish for, that Knight might really be a pumpkin head whose complex is a complete oversight. A true man is flawed and wants you for you, as you him. Sure we (men and women) all know who’s a total dreamboat, but that’s normal to have those fantasies. If it bothers any of you that they aren’t what you expected, well nothing ever is, please get in the boat with the rest of us. However, a little coaching, a little time, and he’s actually Mr. Wonderful, throw your pride in the trash, he isn’t perfect and yep he will make you cry less than Brady Smith did in high school, but he’s it, wherever he is!