The Elsa in Me and Room Six Sunday School Class

I grew up with the idea that crying, was not okay it was seen as weak, and with a lack of will to solve an otherwise concrete simple issue at hand. I couldn't do it. I thought that was silly and with heavy anxiety issues it wasn't easy to just shrug off. A friend used to tell me little things made her cry at the drop of a hat, and people laugh, they say stop it, it will all work out, of they full on, tell you to pull yourself together. There have been moments were at the time, I cannot. I rush into the bathroom, run outside, and let them flow ( Queen Elsa part one). My veins turn incredibly white and I can hardly breathe. Praying it will go away, that this is just temporary. Conceal it don't feel it (Frozen, but exact opposite in my world)

To most of you, it is only that emotion, for me it's everyday. It's everything I do, think, say, believe, know, feel, hold to. They take a break because they don't understand, and they tell you you need fixing, or that you need to read this, or do that, to be better. No, wrong, (the Elsa in me cries) we don't need to be better, not everyone will understand what goes on inside, nor should they. Hardly eating, out of air, squirming for safety, feeling like a failure, not sure where to go, how to come back. Scared. At these moments, I have found K-Love to be encouraging and reminds me to slow down, bring it back in, and try not to go off the bench and take a dive. I listen to that and hum a few bars. Some people are picky and they want things done correctly at all times.

My job and my future depend on that accuracy. It's maddening at times. You lie awake after a data incident and think your world is falling apart, that you are finished, and after all of that, they give you a second chance, but force the pointer finger "don't disappoint me please." You shudder and once again a promise is made. 'It won't happen again, or you won't be seeing me for these issues.' You get reassured this is how they are, and not to worry about it, or maybe something else happens and you can't process quickly enough so you combust.

 Fear cripples any ability to succeed in this life. eventually, in time, the skill will be there, so we pray; for now admit the wrongs, take the claim, and keep your head up high. Tears are a sign of true care for a cause, a person, or a belonging attribute. It bothers me when some people try to fix, grow, judge, or try to change me, when I am trying to change and grow, and fix, and such on my own and with intense help. No amount of what you say or do, will fix or change me overnight, but like Elsa I have people around me to support and love, the icy exterior and the Elsa in me will unfreeze!

 Room six Sunday school class has a wide range of kiddos in there that keep me on my toes. I am never bored. We have smart ones, wild ones, sleepy ones, goofy ones, quiet ones, etc. I don't play favorites because that is just wrong. Every kid is wonderful in his or her own way. I love how they learn, and I love how they keep me awake and happy, revitalized, and passionate about God and the world around me. I love how I can learn from them as they can learn from me. They warm my icy heart when I think there is nothing left or I feel like I want to be the most negative person and say nothing but woe is me things. Thank God for Room Six and the gift it has give me.