Exhaustion and Expectation: unwanted guests, and my reality

"Between the hidden of emotions of my last day at work last week, feeling loved by all who showed to my going away event and also the sentiments of those who couldn't make it, coupled with my over expectations of my friendships and wanting to be everyone's friend, in transition/stress/anxiety with a move down to so cal in a week and a few days and new job, and wanting to give 100 percent to others and put them all first, and so on, to needing to be good to myself and let go and take care of me; one thing won't change, this l one knows when I need downtime and cuddles."❤Mia
I have so much regurgitating hope that people will like me as I am or I try harder when they don't. Remarkable is I am learning to be okay with silences and not steady conversation or a need to fix or pry in how someone should be dress, think etc. It is hard because you have a vision for how someone should be in your mind, not how they are. Not how they are to themselves but to you, which is guess what, not your place. Coming to find that knowing a lot of people although fun and hardly dull is taking a toll on me socially, physically and mentally etc. my prayer is when I move down south to sd, I will not try so hard. I will be me and in joy with self and cultivate the less effort and health shattering friendships i have here. It has been a joy to know so many who give back, but that goes hand in hand with those who do not and my need to please them. I am truly exhausted. I dislike letting people down. So Mia is only furry animal I am margo with it seems right not. I am not even forcing. I am present and loved. That is how I want to be with others I do truly want to give my time to. So if the time only fits you, or you have something you hope improves me or molds me into what you hope I will be, the door is that way. Thank you. Sweet dreams from a tired Moxie.

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