How We Met

I have had this in edit mode for several months now, and you know with all the crazy drama circling back at home and at work, here and there (some of which I unfortunately stirred up in stress) it was not going to be shared. I wanted to hide this joy, but I think it is the right time. I want to clear the air and also bring light to present day that yes LDRs are very hard, we work at it daily, and we appreciate everyone checking in, thanks for the support. I ask God daily to work on my heart not only for the man I am dating, but for my friendships as well. It is a very good feeling to surrender control and know that whatever happens, happens! Anyhow... here it is... 

Our story. We worked for the same aerospace company in a town called Rancho Cordova. My best friend Adam Laakmann for a while had seen me go through the trials of heartbreak and my strong apathy towards love. I wasn’t ready for someone in my life and I didn’t make room. I had my family and my friends, and that was just fine. My dating escapades were superfluous and thwarted by an inherent need of the perfect guy and a perfect love that doesn’t exist; where I truly needed to love myself first before I could love another. I have spent a lot of time with myself over the years and even after travel and all that I have experienced, what it came down to, was:  I had to love who I was, wherever I was, and love whoever I was with.

  Adam continued to observe and told me one day, maybe you should stop trying (enter cliché) but maybe what it meant was I needed to give that love to myself, and he began to tell me about a man named Matt. Most of you may know he works with my father (present day). Enter in a man, I never truly talked to, didn’t hardly know, nor considered knowing.  He told me Matt wasn’t on the cover of GQ, he wasn’t popular, no six-pack abs, but he was what Adam thought “a cool dude.” I shrugged him off and let it slide. One night after dinner at home with my parents, I sent an email to him on social media. He responded within the hour and we began to talk. What did I care? I was moving in a month or two to Southern California, a harmless friendship with a guy I didn’t know, I was up for anything. Matt asked me to meet him for suishi downtown and it was rather late, so I declined.

A week later, I was coming home from a trip to Vegas and got a little adventurous and excited and asked him to pick me up from the airport. Was I nuts?! Absolutely. This was our very first date. We went to see Star Wars Rogue One together and went to On the Border for Mexican food. A few weeks followed and on a whim, he asked me to accompany him for 2016 New Year’s Eve in San Francisco. I packed my bags, tad nervous, and excited, but ready for adventure. We had what turned out to be an amazing weekend. What I didn’t know then, was that I was quickly enjoying him. He is a handsome rocket engineer with no hair, who wears his own stylish hats and does voice overs for video games. If you had asked me to date this man 3/4 years ago, I would have told you, you were crazy. My heart and my soul, and my world was opened because of this man. January 2017 came quickly and I had to move, I sat in his arms one night and he asked me, “How are we going to do this?” Factor in my history with long distance relationships and LDRs in general do not work. I bit my lip and we agreed to try.

  I have a deep faith in the Lord, but that night however, after leaving his house, I was sobbing. What have I done? I met someone I liked and I had to leave? He drove, followed my car, made fun stops and visits to sights along the way, and helped me move down to San Diego. We had all kinds of excursions, and chose to see each other once a month, to get through the loneliness and the separation. I had an adventure list of my own I wanted to check off and he wanted to join in on every single one. We went on a hot air balloon ride in 2017, and toured up and down the California coast, our favorite spots being SLO and Murphy’s California. I continued to pray to the Lord that this was the guy for me.

A year went by so fast, I didn’t even realize, but when our 1 yr arrived, I was shocked and grateful. Another year of distance (coming up on 1 yr and five months), and my heart misses him always. He is still up north and I am still down here in Socal, but every day we try to work at it. A relationship is a choice, to love is a choice. We work at communication and trust. We aren’t perfect at it, in fact, it is a struggle still, and sometimes we correct one another, or disrespect each other,  saying things we don't mean, or we forget to love one another. I have no idea what tomorrow holds because I am committed in long distance with this man, this man in whom I call friend, lover; the one who has my heart. If you ask me what the hardest thing is, it is being apart from the person you love, and reminding yourself to not give up, (despite the crap from people, or the worry in our heads) and to commit to learning more about myself and about him, and vice versa for him about me. No, I don't know what the answer is, but I can say, I am living life and doing me, irregardless. I have learned to not be ashamed of myself and never settle for less than I deserve. If love happens, it will be shared and cherished :)