Listen to the Rhythm
Hello readers... goodness it has been a month and a half, almost two months since my last post.
I watched a movie called Strictly Ballroom awhile back. The main gal Fran was unnoticeable to others and tried so hard and did all she could to enter a contest with a man she didn't know nor cared for to save his bum. The point? He was arrogant, and never listened. Her mother shouted at him to listen to the rhythm as they practiced. The words echoed in his head when he fought with her on the steps, and suddenly it all made sense... LISTEN... that key word... and that brought them together. This respect and being able to be a team. You can't make it in a relationship, if you don't hear others out; this we seem to miss so often, when it is always about us. For me it was anyways.
((Flashback)) I got in an accident on my birthday and apparently it was the end of the earth I had to spend it in the hospital. I was snowmobiling, and trying to turn, and hit the accelerator way too hard, and hit a tree and broke my clavicle. It hurt and it was a lot. in fact, I was so ensconced in my pain, that I had trouble focusing. I had a plan this was about me and my success and risk taking, and what happened, the road diverted to a different plan. I was going to work out, I was going to be the coolest, 2018 is my year blah blah... you get the picture. God had another idea. I asked him two weeks before I left for my vacation to slow me down and open my heart... the man took me seriously! I was inactive for weeks. I needed to rest and relied on others and it was humbling, heartbreaking, eye opener, rough, raw, and an experience I hope I don't forget. My heart gave itself up to receiving, LISTENING, being patient, and being able to be okay with that reciprocal relationship. I was never the receiver, what?! I was the doer and the giver, and let me help you all the time.. It was about me and my gold star. Gosh but who cares... for these people, they weren't getting rewarded. They did it because they were showing their support and love. The bible study girls brought me food, brought me to the grocery store, and my boss drove me for four weeks to and from work.
I'd like to tell you, that I was fine through all of this, but I hit the depression harder than I had when I first moved down here especially also in a long distance relationship for year two. I was bored, I was more lonely, and I was tired of sitting around and people were tired of hearing me complain.. me me me.. my life sucks.. when will this end.. .. I can be quite the debbie downer, when I am not doing what I love. What I didn't get, and what I am still learning, is what I love is right there in front of me, holding me as I fell, praying for me as I cried, it was the people, not God. Sure he loves me, but those folks got me through. my boyfriend endured another hospital visit and a day I am certain he won't forget either. I hope it brought us closer. That day watching his blue eyes stare back at me, while I lay on the ground helpless and sad, and confused, the look seemed to say, "I'm right here."
it's funny, over the last several weeks, during this injury, wearing button up shirts, dry shampoo, and clinging to whatever self esteem was there, I could tell you I was changed, but in a way I was the same. My doctor told me at my followup p.t. could be begin, but it was broken still. I had my heart sank, but let it soar as soon as she said I could use the exercise bike. There I was again in my addiction and need to be working out and positive Polly, get back on the horse, etc. I was racing doing too much, and my pain told me when I would and wouldn't do things. I leaned on many people, especially my family, but two of that group of people of which I leaned on so much, I forgot how they were feeling inside. I also collected so many negative thoughts over the weeks, my anxiety took its toll and then I remembered the words.... I am right here. It didn't have to be who said it, it was just the feeling of the words themselves. where are you? I am right here. My sister came to visit during a healing week and it showed me very simply... the same feeling.. Margo, I am right here. That was all I ever needed.
This injury showed me one very unique thing. (pictures below were weeks four and five with sling and final ones are present day) My need to improve on being truly there for others. We can say we are there for people, but if we don't truly listen to them, then we aren't really here at all, are we? I watched a movie called Strictly Ballroom awhile back. The main gal Fran was unnoticeable to others and tried so hard and did all she could to enter a contest with a man she didn't know nor cared for to save his bum. The point? He was arrogant, and never listened. Her mother shouted at him to "Listen to the Rhythm" as they practiced.
The words echoed in his head when he fought with Fran on the dance steps, and suddenly it all made sense...I'm right here she said, helping you... if you would just LIST
EN... that key word again... echoes in the fabrics of my soul. This respect and being able to be a team, to truly be there for one another in the strongest way of all. You can't make it in a relationship, if you don't hear others out; this we seem to miss so often, when it is always about us. For me it was anyways, often still is. I struggle.
Setting everything on my mind aside, and how some of the woman from the study think of me, or what my mother thinks about my relationship with my guy, or how I should behave or the things that come out of my mouth... again blah blah blah....I need to listen more to others. They listened to me. They have listened, the ones who never left. I can listen to myself go on, what a bore I'm sure! I live alone lol, I talk to myself. I want so much to listen to others, rather than interrupt them and improve maybe on something I have control over, .. my tongue.. my mouth... my speech. I may not have control over how this injury heals, or when it will heal, (which week 7, doing well), but I do have control over myself. Still a work in progress. I elevate others and their progress, comparing it to my own in jealousy of where and I need to be, when I am not them and what a relief that is!
Today I had a great day sharing Balboa Park with a good friend of mine from home, and enjoyed the atmosphere and the sunshine. I was present and happy and was able to wear a shirt that wasn't button up ; ) ! What is there to say....right now, not sure yet. I ask people for advice on my future and next step, when really I need to quiet the mind (difficult for someone whose mind races) and just be. Get back to reflection, prayer, writing, and letting my fear of being lost, dissipate... listen to the rhythm. Count the steps... and listen...
I watched a movie called Strictly Ballroom awhile back. The main gal Fran was unnoticeable to others and tried so hard and did all she could to enter a contest with a man she didn't know nor cared for to save his bum. The point? He was arrogant, and never listened. Her mother shouted at him to listen to the rhythm as they practiced. The words echoed in his head when he fought with her on the steps, and suddenly it all made sense... LISTEN... that key word... and that brought them together. This respect and being able to be a team. You can't make it in a relationship, if you don't hear others out; this we seem to miss so often, when it is always about us. For me it was anyways.
((Flashback)) I got in an accident on my birthday and apparently it was the end of the earth I had to spend it in the hospital. I was snowmobiling, and trying to turn, and hit the accelerator way too hard, and hit a tree and broke my clavicle. It hurt and it was a lot. in fact, I was so ensconced in my pain, that I had trouble focusing. I had a plan this was about me and my success and risk taking, and what happened, the road diverted to a different plan. I was going to work out, I was going to be the coolest, 2018 is my year blah blah... you get the picture. God had another idea. I asked him two weeks before I left for my vacation to slow me down and open my heart... the man took me seriously! I was inactive for weeks. I needed to rest and relied on others and it was humbling, heartbreaking, eye opener, rough, raw, and an experience I hope I don't forget. My heart gave itself up to receiving, LISTENING, being patient, and being able to be okay with that reciprocal relationship. I was never the receiver, what?! I was the doer and the giver, and let me help you all the time.. It was about me and my gold star. Gosh but who cares... for these people, they weren't getting rewarded. They did it because they were showing their support and love. The bible study girls brought me food, brought me to the grocery store, and my boss drove me for four weeks to and from work.
I'd like to tell you, that I was fine through all of this, but I hit the depression harder than I had when I first moved down here especially also in a long distance relationship for year two. I was bored, I was more lonely, and I was tired of sitting around and people were tired of hearing me complain.. me me me.. my life sucks.. when will this end.. .. I can be quite the debbie downer, when I am not doing what I love. What I didn't get, and what I am still learning, is what I love is right there in front of me, holding me as I fell, praying for me as I cried, it was the people, not God. Sure he loves me, but those folks got me through. my boyfriend endured another hospital visit and a day I am certain he won't forget either. I hope it brought us closer. That day watching his blue eyes stare back at me, while I lay on the ground helpless and sad, and confused, the look seemed to say, "I'm right here."
it's funny, over the last several weeks, during this injury, wearing button up shirts, dry shampoo, and clinging to whatever self esteem was there, I could tell you I was changed, but in a way I was the same. My doctor told me at my followup p.t. could be begin, but it was broken still. I had my heart sank, but let it soar as soon as she said I could use the exercise bike. There I was again in my addiction and need to be working out and positive Polly, get back on the horse, etc. I was racing doing too much, and my pain told me when I would and wouldn't do things. I leaned on many people, especially my family, but two of that group of people of which I leaned on so much, I forgot how they were feeling inside. I also collected so many negative thoughts over the weeks, my anxiety took its toll and then I remembered the words.... I am right here. It didn't have to be who said it, it was just the feeling of the words themselves. where are you? I am right here. My sister came to visit during a healing week and it showed me very simply... the same feeling.. Margo, I am right here. That was all I ever needed.
The words echoed in his head when he fought with Fran on the dance steps, and suddenly it all made sense...I'm right here she said, helping you... if you would just LIST
EN... that key word again... echoes in the fabrics of my soul. This respect and being able to be a team, to truly be there for one another in the strongest way of all. You can't make it in a relationship, if you don't hear others out; this we seem to miss so often, when it is always about us. For me it was anyways, often still is. I struggle.
Setting everything on my mind aside, and how some of the woman from the study think of me, or what my mother thinks about my relationship with my guy, or how I should behave or the things that come out of my mouth... again blah blah blah....I need to listen more to others. They listened to me. They have listened, the ones who never left. I can listen to myself go on, what a bore I'm sure! I live alone lol, I talk to myself. I want so much to listen to others, rather than interrupt them and improve maybe on something I have control over, .. my tongue.. my mouth... my speech. I may not have control over how this injury heals, or when it will heal, (which week 7, doing well), but I do have control over myself. Still a work in progress. I elevate others and their progress, comparing it to my own in jealousy of where and I need to be, when I am not them and what a relief that is!
Today I had a great day sharing Balboa Park with a good friend of mine from home, and enjoyed the atmosphere and the sunshine. I was present and happy and was able to wear a shirt that wasn't button up ; ) ! What is there to say....right now, not sure yet. I ask people for advice on my future and next step, when really I need to quiet the mind (difficult for someone whose mind races) and just be. Get back to reflection, prayer, writing, and letting my fear of being lost, dissipate... listen to the rhythm. Count the steps... and listen...
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