Facebook, what's the brain say, and bring it on chump
They tell you to be completely nonchalant, and focus on more important goals like a house, or a hot job, or family, etc. What they don't tell you, is that midway through your 20's you experience this semi panic (maybe it's just me) mode of am I doing everything I need and want to do? Believe me, having a disruptive downstairs neighbor doesn't help peace of mind or sleep prior to leaving for a trip. In fact, it heightens anxiety for me, when I think about smaller problems and issues that really aren't anything until they are, and then I am sleepless, which makes my cognitive thinking go a tad lower. Ah anxiety attacks are so fun, said no one ever. I have been pushing myself for May is Bike Month and managed to log 100 plus miles in the first week and my competitive spirit showed up when I wanted to compete with others. After an embarrassing ride on the trail, also known as I didn't eat enough and my bike was off kilter, I came home, wiped out, completely. I mean, after some nameless (not mentioning) person called our team a bunch of chumps, I had to prove, I was and we as a whole are not chumps at all. Continuing to try that is, to prove that. I rushed to the shower, took Mia to the dog park, came home bathed her, and then fell to the ground in defeat. Hi Facebook, you are not good for me I told myself as I collapsed on the carpet of the apartment. I miss people I don't want to miss when I look at you; I see things I don't want or need to see when I browse the face space. The face space that shows me that I am a little less the average or that I am less than I deserve or so it has me believe. How are you supposed to get rid of such a space if your friends are all not here, and some never were, but that you feel that connection when you are hideously bored, or displaced somewhere.
But yet I am addicted, like my hideous Starbucks plague. Although to date, I have purposely hidden my gold card of shame in the house so that I won't spend a ridiculous amount on a coffee cup, (this being a repeat reminder to those who forget I'm fasting or thirst fasting from coffee?). I sat down and hugged my hands to my knees in surrender and just hoped against hope that this too shall pass. I am certain I am not the only one who has that moment of wait a minute, don't freak out, don't cry, don't forget to breathe. The pre-trip nerves of did I take care of anything, did I spend too much on this or that, did I cover and planned what I needed, are we sure this is the right idea etc. Okay, so maybe that's what the brain says, or mine anyway. The battle of preparedness and organization and of doing the right thing clouds me, or what clouds me is that lingering past that maybe just maybe this vacation will mend and heal, or it will still be there when I return, but just not as much. I feel like it is emptying out a Tupperware at lunch; you know you need to eat the food contents in their entirety, but you know full well you are quite sick of rice-a-roni, close out day four. It's a fool's trick error of, yes you could be smart and savvy, and finish it all, but then why would you if you could just eat something new and not have to deal with more leftover pains. Same applies to vacation from reality, or life. There aren't any vacations from life, life will still be life when you get back, unless of course, an Apocalypse hits and we are just as worse for the wear. Sure, my sense or humor and gall could be deplorable, but it can't be any less terrible and or traumatizing than Justin Bieber concert. I dislike being called something less of myself, or told not to freak out, or worry, or etc. (Laughs) it's as if you are telling a five yr old not to spit on the baseball field where spitters reign. It's a lost cause. Tell me not to, I will and may just do the opposite. Could be all the biking leaking into my brain, and my sleep, and my hunger.. disarming my defenses, and making Facebook more appealing to win on a team, not sure. For now, best not to push it to death before going away on an adventure. Health is pretty important when being able to function at work or at home. But those bike miles though, he/she doesn't know what they are talking about, so bring it on chump! Liam Neeson voice "I'm coming for you....."
But yet I am addicted, like my hideous Starbucks plague. Although to date, I have purposely hidden my gold card of shame in the house so that I won't spend a ridiculous amount on a coffee cup, (this being a repeat reminder to those who forget I'm fasting or thirst fasting from coffee?). I sat down and hugged my hands to my knees in surrender and just hoped against hope that this too shall pass. I am certain I am not the only one who has that moment of wait a minute, don't freak out, don't cry, don't forget to breathe. The pre-trip nerves of did I take care of anything, did I spend too much on this or that, did I cover and planned what I needed, are we sure this is the right idea etc. Okay, so maybe that's what the brain says, or mine anyway. The battle of preparedness and organization and of doing the right thing clouds me, or what clouds me is that lingering past that maybe just maybe this vacation will mend and heal, or it will still be there when I return, but just not as much. I feel like it is emptying out a Tupperware at lunch; you know you need to eat the food contents in their entirety, but you know full well you are quite sick of rice-a-roni, close out day four. It's a fool's trick error of, yes you could be smart and savvy, and finish it all, but then why would you if you could just eat something new and not have to deal with more leftover pains. Same applies to vacation from reality, or life. There aren't any vacations from life, life will still be life when you get back, unless of course, an Apocalypse hits and we are just as worse for the wear. Sure, my sense or humor and gall could be deplorable, but it can't be any less terrible and or traumatizing than Justin Bieber concert. I dislike being called something less of myself, or told not to freak out, or worry, or etc. (Laughs) it's as if you are telling a five yr old not to spit on the baseball field where spitters reign. It's a lost cause. Tell me not to, I will and may just do the opposite. Could be all the biking leaking into my brain, and my sleep, and my hunger.. disarming my defenses, and making Facebook more appealing to win on a team, not sure. For now, best not to push it to death before going away on an adventure. Health is pretty important when being able to function at work or at home. But those bike miles though, he/she doesn't know what they are talking about, so bring it on chump! Liam Neeson voice "I'm coming for you....."
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