Life as a remote control

            I press pause and the button doesn’t work. I press fast forward and the button breaks. I press rewind and I hear a screech. My life remote…..or I take out my wand and I say ‘forget’.

Beep. Beep. Beep. My alarm goes off for my 5:45 wake up time for work.  I roll over and just wonder what it would be like to have remote to do all those things. If you had a bad situation it could be fixed or it never happened even, or maybe witchcraft to make things disappear as Willow did in the show, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Hollywood made a movie out of the remote concept with Adam Sandler. He fast forwards the unwanted, stressful, negative portions of his days, but manages to miss the important things, the growth of his children, or when people need him, or he rewinds and forgets everything.  The viewer learns as does he, that has to be in the here and now. Right here. Current time. Witchcraft, remotes, spells, time machines, all the best creations for our imagination, make it so tangible, yet unreal once you get too close. Don’t get me wrong, in life it is a good thing not to have regrets, but do you or don’t you? Sometimes maybe a person wishes they could rewrite history: no holocaust, no pearl harbor, or September 11^th, no Boston Massacre, no destruction, no war; or maybe it’s Sandler, rewind the moment to try to change it, or Willow who wants to make her partner forget they are fighting with a forget charm. Whatever it is, some deep part of everyone would like to replay the moment and erase it if it’s painful, repeat it, if it’s joyful. Manipulating and controlling a situation or someone to make it go away, or to try to make it better, when you have no power, and shouldn’t, does not get you anywhere; trust me I know. Conflicting messages of one group encouraging you to come to the Creator and pray, another showing you to take care and focus on you and what’s ahead, and still another asking you to live a little, and let go. Remote pause.  I think of all this as brain overload, trying to please., trying to understand, trying to get it together, get it right. Fast forward, trying to get to the finish line, wherever that is, don’t you mess up now. Building up the perfect wall, the plan, the ultimate expectation, all this and then…..

 Screech! Broken remote. A friend told me the other day; the word -relax needs to be in your dictionary, because whatever you are doing it’s not working. Searching for what turns out to be a big fat nothing, or lost in translation, the remote doesn’t have a translator, shoot. I figure maybe I could become a witch and swirl away all the problems with a flick of my wrist, pointing my special wand in the direction of the issue; but I can’t. Life in your 20’s is the best of times, but it’s also challenging because there are so many things going on, and transitions to go through, and changes we never expect. Sitting last night at the girl’s bible study, I looked around at all those successful, married, wonderful woman, thinking what I was missing, or how did I screw up my path or why can’t I fast forward to be in that spot.  Aren’t we supposed to go to college, get married, and so on, like we grew up with learning, or at least I did. Wrong. Behind all those faces, are tired moms who haven’t slept, worry about their children, no time to themselves, hardly ate or slept, and they came to study to relax and be around loving, supportive peers.  I want to wrap my head around I need to slow down and look around. I know there isn’t a remote or a charm, but there is a reset, and clean slate feature in this life, it’s called: MOVING FORWARD. No, I didn’t say 90mph on the freeway, unless you are a star from “Fast and the Furious 6” like Tyrese, or Vin Diesel. I said, “Move Forward” as in roll with the punches, one day at a time. L-E-T- I-T-G-O.  Maybe that last line was more for myself, or maybe it isn’t. Everyone will eventually figure out what is right for them, what works, what doesn’t. Later when all seems lost, and prayer becomes redundant and tiring, or when people turn away,  the world seems cruel unkind, you feel like God is ignoring you, or you don’t know what to do, that’s when it will happen the way it’s supposed to; no remote needed. I don’t really like yoga because I don’t sit very well, so relaxing in that department doesn’t happen. I always want to take a warm towel and go straight to sleep.  I am at peace most when I can take a bath, write, clean or sit and close my eyes and stare into my dreams: the love of my life and myself, the beach, waves on the shore, the sunlight, my latest book on the shelf in the house, a big dog sitting on the porch steps just as if I was living my own Sparks novel, yep that’s home. <Click.>

    Disregard the remote, the spells and the charms, the fixing, the Speedy Gonzales looking to race on by, and here is life, raw, and crazy, and all that we are asked to do is live it, not man the controls! One day head and heart will combine and make the most awesome team, no remote required, just understanding, so for now, I’m: MOVING FORWARD!