Moxie Uncorked

From infancy, parents, teachers, and colleagues show us how to behave and show us what we can and cannot do. There are certain behaviors, actions that are not appropriate, or just wrong. Christianity, the foreground of forgiveness and a second chance tells you, forgive and love. I wonder, if anyone has ever told you, that it's okay get mad, get sad, get happy, or feel anything at all. Or maybe, it's just your mind telling yourself to block out what you feel so that others won't see or that you say to yourself you can't act this way because it's not allowed. I relinquish emotion where maybe it has no place going in the first place, but I feel it. Other times I need to conceal it to be a rock for family, or friends, or at work. It's a lot and maybe for a second I won't have to get down on myself for doing something I chose to do. Today, after working out at my apartment gym, I sat ate grapes, a whole bowl of popcorn, watching old episodes of Greys' Anatomy, and I loved it while escaping the heat. I also loved that I made the choice to be a lazy sack of potatoes! I recharged, I laughed, I cried, and I turned off the television and started to write. Here's what I have. You can't change the past or the pain it may bring, you can only go forward with the future. Everyone tells you when you are single you will find the right person. Frankly, I'm sick of hearing it. In fact, I'll believe it when I start to trust people once more. Right now, I am Margo Vigeant. I got lost without a GPS lol, I talk very fast when I'm nervous, I give all I have, I am sensitive, heartwarming, I dance around when I get good news, and I could go on, but if you wanted to know more, you would get to know me and by the way I love life ! For just a moment, I want to let out something that bothered me more than split ends and greasy hair would before a date. I  was angry at someone who broke my sibling's heart. In every relationship it takes two and people tell you, to go see therapy or just let it go, so here is my way. When you meet someone or your family does, and you invest all this time and energy into them, they matter, and when something bad happens and they are involved you don't believe it; it doesn't seem like them or like the truth. I think I place fear in my own life when attempting to get to know someone, or trying too hard, spouting out gibberish when I hardly know him or her. I was nervous. Actually, I am still nervous. Maybe that lack of confidence and trust shows through, or I push too much, when I don't let things flow. I will say this though. The games are getting old. I want to travel the world, check off everything on my list. I don't have time for wasted hopes or acting like children. My anger internally was not a good thing and I talked it out, and I feel immensely better I cannot let my own fears for myself, what happened, and these date fails, or mistakes, and fears for her get in the way of living my life! Things to be thankful for, aunt who is healing, her hip was only a facture, a family of strong, loving people, house floor fans, best friends to giggle with when nothing makes sense and doesn't need to, a day to do nothing and kick back, no pressure, running around or deadlines, or commitments, just relax and recharge. I am most definitely an introvert because I feel like I can do anything after I come out of what people call 'the cave.' I also think I am more alert, and happy when I do things by myself sometimes. For the record, I will say, they don't know what they're missing and if they do, they will soon find out, it is their loss not mine! I have a beer waiting for me at Alley Katz, until next time; short and to the point, thanks for reading!