Margo's got Moxie ! : the diary of miss red high heels

Following yesterday's account and highlighting dark side is the recovery mode. I have read somewhere depression and bipolar patients' moods last several weeks or months. Mine, or any emotional breakdown lasts several hours then quickly departs followed by sleep. Its actually insulting when people call you crazy or insane because you are not, you are struggling and there isn't another way to explain it, and a hospital will have you wear a straight jacket, hand you a pill and claim you have been cured. What the heck? When did we become so psychologically fearful of disorders, or of gays, or of autism, or of anyone who was born with or developed such things? For myself, the self care is so incredibly important. I used to turn to bad choices and sometimes still do, but remembering God and his promise helps me. I climb into a bubble bath, go for a walk, eat frozen yogurt, drink tea, or pray. Any of these things, helps calm my anxiety and returns me to well me. Some people get so...

When I was little I tattled to mom about every little thing my siblings did and I was chatty Kathy. I made sure to tell the stories, because I thought that's what you did. The outbursts seemed normal at first, and then the obvious took place, there was little to connect with so I clung harder. In fact, I clung so tight to my friends and to my parents so I could escape whatever I was I claimed I had, a rejection, a desperation, a fear, anger, the emotions were out of control. I didn't realize it until they began to worry or push me away, thinking I had lost my bloody mind, and that I was just going through some type of phase. If this was a phase, I wouldn't be gripping for my life, and wanting to change, to get away from whatever it is that is trying to parade around and produce chaos where there doesn't need to be. Try falling for someone, I mean really falling for them, and telling them you can't because it turns out you lost the feeling; the idea of the person, th...

I recently took up cycling and have signed up for May is Bike Month and have started riding into work. My dad diligently and lovingly worked to get an old bike of his tuned up for my use and brought it over last week. I discovered I live right near a really neat bike trail with the American river which takes me 15 mn ride to get into work and is an easy commute. I bought a bike backpack, tail light, and a friend supplied me with a headlight to ride in the dark. I had my first big girl crash yesterday and slammed head on into a fence, scraped up my left knee, a bit on left shoulder and some stomach (tummy cleared up quickly). Thank God for fence barriers or helmets, God’s grace and protection, or I would be dead. I pledged to do 100 miles for the month of May and have been also still continuing to go to the gym to keep weight lifting going.   The injuries a couple years back, would have had me on the side, probably crying, or quitting the ride and walking home. I f...

Some say that most men don't have feelings. That is a huge lie. I know this because I know that saying nice guys finish last. Some of my guy friends tell me how they won their lady over, and how they still even today think they aren't deserving enough for her. Adorable. Simply Adorable and ridiculous because I think that they most certainly do. Bring us flowers, rub our feet, tell us we look great when we really look like hell, or let us rant and yell about nothing in particular. I would go with keeper. I am someone who is way too damn nice and don't like to be mad at anyone. In fact if I ever am, I usually apologize within ten seconds or five minutes. I can't bear to anger anyone, but I do get angry. I put my faith in people who don't give a damn or they  are mad they don't get their way, so it's a girl who wants to control the parameters of what I believe, a guy cause he wants a relationship based on sex and doesn't want to work for it. Ha or he is a ...

People ask if you are okay and it’s the usual yes of course, no problem, or yes I’m fine, all good just tired or yes why I wouldn’t be, etc. Maybe they don’t tell you cause they are scared what you will think, so they lie as if it’s okay not to be real and say what’s going on. Could be because you feel like you made a mistake, maybe the same one five times, or maybe just cause it should be over and done, but it’s not, or it’s just a bad day, who knows. Either way it’s there like an elephant in the room staring you in the face waiting for an answer or maybe for you to answer back to your own face in the mirror. Yeah, you lookey here, I’m talking to you. I don’t want to be that girl that’s heavily reliant on my father or guys for help, that’s just ridiculous. Sure Youtube, has the video watch and learn, and yet I still find myself asking for help for simple things. I don’t like to ask for it either, and I have already asked you, I don’t usually ask again. I live by myself, and I could ju...

Crockpot invention is pure gold. I think people or myself rather was missing out big time until now. All the while, trying to craft a meal that takes hours, getting stressed if it turns out half assed, or bummed when it's not like the picture. Oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how many times I have looked at a recipe and thought, oh yeah baby, I got this. Let me put this together and we can be set no problem. Little do I know, I am not Martha Stewart and sincerely wish some days I did have the time to make such joy in a kitchen. I create the joy based on my cravings and my mood. The crockpot lets me throw together a whole meal. Whether it be steak, asparagus and potatoes, or spaghetti and meatballs, it's a God send. I work a lot and hardly have time to come up with something extravagant. If I do, I skipped the gym in order to try to come up with something ultimately clever. My go to's for hosting bible study are : chips and salsa, cats cookies from Trader Joes and Speculo...