Self care, perservation, and looking forward

Following yesterday's account and highlighting dark side is the recovery mode. I have read somewhere depression and bipolar patients' moods last several weeks or months. Mine, or any emotional breakdown lasts several hours then quickly departs followed by sleep. Its actually insulting when people call you crazy or insane because you are not, you are struggling and there isn't another way to explain it, and a hospital will have you wear a straight jacket, hand you a pill and claim you have been cured. What the heck? When did we become so psychologically fearful of disorders, or of gays, or of autism, or of anyone who was born with or developed such things? For myself, the self care is so incredibly important. I used to turn to bad choices and sometimes still do, but remembering God and his promise helps me. I climb into a bubble bath, go for a walk, eat frozen yogurt, drink tea, or pray. Any of these things, helps calm my anxiety and returns me to well me. Some people get so agitated and impatient because it is difficult to understand and its very hard to handle. The preservation I keep isn't to shut people out, its to protect me from the triggers. Before, I used to hide in closets or disappear for lengths of time. To me, it was to escape and to settle down, to everyone else its the "here they go again." Today, I step away from the scene and breathe deeply, and some of my family members know how to respond. My brothers, have a knack for making me giggle or smile even when I am about to explode with anger or tears. My father reaches his arms out and I completely surrender. The preservation is my task alone to ensure Im keeping myself in check and knowing I can and remembering I am good person. This dark shadow is there but it is not me. I am in there look inside. 

As I awaken to the pretty trees and the birds chirping, I am reminded it is a whole new day! Looking forward, I have eightish weeks till my mission trip, a few months till Ireland and bike month in a week. Seeing that, all is well with my soul once more. So, no doctor so and so there isn't a fix in the world, but the Lord and my faith that one day the dark will be a distant memory and the person within will have the power to change and be themselves!