Margo's got Moxie ! : the diary of miss red high heels

This year or every year rather, I try to gift give to those I love and care about. I often go overboard and often spend too much on some holiday cheer as well. I like to donate to those who don't have, those without a Christmas, those going through a rough time, etc. End of the year means also with spending is that you come to realize it's work close out before holiday shutdown. Everyone is frantically trying to finish up, catch up, do what they can before taking off on vacation. Much needed this year, so it seems, as of the last week, I have sped up rapidly with work which has been don't get me wrong, needed, but tiring if it's not a steady pace which I thrive better with. We are just so busy and swamped with what we have to do, we forget to stop and just simply enjoy the month of December itself. This morning I woke up and I walked my dog before giving a friend a ride to their destination. I felt refreshed and the air was cool as I watched the sun come up. I feel ...

I grew up with the idea that crying, was not okay it was seen as weak, and with a lack of will to solve an otherwise concrete simple issue at hand. I couldn't do it. I thought that was silly and with heavy anxiety issues it wasn't easy to just shrug off. A friend used to tell me little things made her cry at the drop of a hat, and people laugh, they say stop it, it will all work out, of they full on, tell you to pull yourself together. There have been moments were at the time, I cannot. I rush into the bathroom, run outside, and let them flow ( Queen Elsa part one). My veins turn incredibly white and I can hardly breathe. Praying it will go away, that this is just temporary. Conceal it don't feel it (Frozen, but exact opposite in my world) To most of you, it is only that emotion, for me it's everyday. It's everything I do, think, say, believe, know, feel, hold to. They take a break because they don't understand, and they tell you you need fixing, o...

 It's crazy how when you see other people's travel photos, and you are intensely envious and jealous because you want to be traveling too and going there or everywhere. I have so many places I want to go and as soon as I have a list I start to create another one. I want to do as much as I can before I settle down. I also though have Mia and that has changed me so much. I love her dearly and she makes me so very happy. I am just all over the place, because now I am having to watch my money (def not a bad thing) just cannot go stir crazy anymore like shopping, eating out, etc. I learned about how much you have a little five o clock shadow in your life. I really do. She sometimes gives me attitude in the morning and won't eat her food, or want to go on a walk. I cringe when I have to buy the kibble and realize the stupid price went up, but glad I can switch up her food in case that happens. I was gone a whole week and I couldn't believe how much I missed her. It was almo...

As my Thanksgiving with my Vigeant family comes to a close....Things I have learned since college and hs: Nothing beats hanging out with family and friends. Anyone you tells you otherwise, maybe could use a friend or some fam love.  Getting drunk all the time isn't as cool as you think; plus if you aren't a lightweight, it can also be very expensive and very embarassing.  Those that end up mattering are those who stick by your side at the end of the day when life throws you a strong curveball.  If your parents so called, "bust your chops for some bad choices" ground you, lecture you, and tell you how it is; drop the act, they care and the sooner you figure it out, the more you learn. Sleep is heaven and incredibly great. Take it while it is there, later it will be interrupted, harder to make time for, and maybe nonexistent if not careful. You aren't all you can be in your 20's because you still have so much to learn and isn't that ...

Last weekend, I went to Placerville Airport and a friend/coworker, Pete Meyer took me up in his Camanche small plane. I got up super early, 4:45am. Mia did not like the wake up call lol. I tried to slip out quietly and make sure she was warm. The airport itself is way high up in the hills, and the sunrise that morning was beautiful. The air was super chilly, as the frost was slowly trying to lift from the trees, and crisp as we parked our cars by the garages and hangars. The trip was incredible! I have never experienced something so advanced, but yet so smooth, not as much noise, and unbelievable speed. I even got to fly the plane for a little while. I wore headphones all the way back from 1993! Talking on the radio, felt like the big leagues, and I was definitely stoked to learn a lot of different instructions and rules. Usually it can be pretty boring up there, but I was all over the place, looking at the view, taking in the sounds, smells, just as if I was Disneyland for the ski...

Seriously though, some people around here are incredibly prejudiced. I am amazed at how even in dating how some gals like myself are overlooked because we are spiritual, religious, too sensitive, have big hearts, or we don't fit the mold of the so-called perfect girl. Yeah, there is no such thing. I cannot believe some people assume that because I am a Christian, I am stuck up person, I don't know how to have fun, that I think alcohol is bad, that I am weird, or that I am not worthy of someone to love, because I am misinformed. I have news for you. I have gay and lesbian friends, I drink alcohol, curse, drive a Civic, and love the outdoor backyard. I speak my mind, and wear outfits that make me feel like Michelle Obama and I like to be able to be around people of all walks of life. Some people from all religions, places, backgrounds, practices, are incredibly fun to be around, and you would never even know that I am good friends with quite a few of them. I hate these labels a...

It has been a few weeks or so since having a good time with a few dates and some guys. But that was weeks ago and they dropped off the radar completely and the contacting went back down to minimal or nothing at all. You think for a second how did went so well or so you thought, go south. They could have someone on side, went back to their ex, not a good time, or not into you, but will not say. I hate the word maybe. It means a direct no.     People say it doesn't but it most certainly means no if it comes from someone you know does not make commitments well, guy or girl. It is great. You has a great time and you think this is going somewhere and it crashes and burns. You are left feelin shitty and not so confident about how you did even if it is not about you. In my case, not a clue what is goin on, and still dealin with the aftermath of a few past failed friendships with people who brutally make you feel sad inside and question your sense of self and worth; even if they...

Last week, I adopted a dog. I want to pause on that for the initial Ellen Degeneres freak out moment of, "OMG what was I thinking?!" I looked at her photo on the Happy Tails website over and over all day at work, and kept ruminating on it, and how special she looked. I have always wanted a dog, in fact I actually wanted a larger one! Apartment complexes are very uptight about breeds and size, so that wasn't going to happen for me, and my place isn't that big. I was praying and thinking how much this would insanely impact me financially with all the travel I am doing next year. Last Friday, I was told by a coworker to either meet the cutie, or let it go, and move on. I went to the gym, and then met her at the agency in Sacramento and she jumped into my arms and sniffed and nuzzled up to me. I was a goner. I knew if I left and didn't say yes, I would regret it forever. The foster mom seemed a tad sad and distant. She wouldn't look at me hardly, and took off ...

Not everyone is going to be direct and honest. Silent people can be interesting but in my opinion sometimes silence is hurtful and dangerous if gone undetected. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I think everyone does need their space and not everyone responds well to personal attack. However, if they ask for your thoughts, sugarcoating it won't make it any easier. At some point, you will alienate and disappoint people you didn't intend to piss off and those folks who push you away and run for good weren't there to stay to begin with. Or another is, you will wonder if a guy or girl is interested and don't feel you should chase them and think the impersonal mode of texting is nothing but nerve racking. I overthink a lot of things. I have to say we are some of the best minds when we do that, but it takes a toll on our mental and emotional capacity overall if you let it! Funny thing is, I get teased for putting an extra place setting at my table at dinner. People ask...

In Junior High and High School, I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to help people, I wanted to be a hero. I moved around with that idea until I added being a veterinarian as well. I was terrible at Math and Science, and to this day, use a calculator for tips at restaurants and read science books even if I never went to any nursing courses. I guess maybe it was fear I would never pass, who knew. I wasn't too great at foreign language either, but god did I want to be! I wanted to speak fluent and go somewhere and be an interpreter maybe. I had so many dreams. I flipped around with what I wanted, even teaching, but nursing was my goal. I wanted to be a lifesaver and the person at the table when all was lost. I think that show Grey's Anatomy really went to that little head of mine, because I was hooked. I think I was hooked even before that show. I felt like I could do something for people and be a somebody, or what have you. I stuck to journalism later because I decid...

This past weekend, I traveled to Oregon to attend college friends of mine, their wedding as a bridesmaid. I was super stoked and a tad crazy busy because I had been gone for the last two weekends straight. I absolutely love going and being on the go, but wasn't sure how I pulled it off now looking back! I left two suitcases on the ground. One for labor day weekend and one for Jason and Ashley's wedding. I flew into Portland on Wednesday and later flight got to my hotel at 1am after getting off the rail station. Saved mega bucks not taking a cab. Friday we had the bachelorette party and the gals went to three awesome wineries. I didn't know the other two bridesmaids, but I knew one. Even the bride is one of the easy going, laid back, fun, woman I know, so I didn't expect any bridezilla moments. How ironic that I was the bridesmaidzilla if you will! I was able to luckily score some hair and makeup appointments for myself and a friend to get all dressed up. It was such a...

I got back from Ireland and was glad to be back with friends and family. However, my apartment didn't feel like home. Lately, I have been a bit of a wanderer. I used think to that home was where the heart is, but home is really what you make it. I honestly wonder what it would be like to live out of a suit case for a bit, constantly on the go, and just exploring all the possibilities.  For someone my age that sounds completely exciting. People who have families and children or dying relatives it doesn't sound as good. There is something so liberating about getting on a plane and not looking back. I mean it really may seem like escaping from life's problems, but those will be there wherever you go. Heartbreak is still present, debt if you have it, family issues; whatever it is, travel is incredible but it is not the solution.  I do however love the spontaneity of just being able to get up and go and not have to have a care in the world and roll with the outcome. I was ne...

For weeks I have analyzed the situation like a biologist would a specimen under a scope. I dont know what they are going through and I dont know what I did but ill pray about them and realize I can not do anything. I am 26 yrs old I dont care about age but it makes a big deal when I still have my world ahead. It hurts so much  when they are pushing me away. If we dated, in 10 yrs we would only resent each other. I dont want that, and I dont want to lose their friendship but Ill hurt myself more if I keep trying at a dead end road. . Ive been nothing but loyal and I defend my friends when people talk smack. Real love is when you can let go and you want the best for someone but also for yourself. Real love is when you respect someone no matter what and communicate with trust and understanding with a little bit of introspection and care. Infatuation is when you have crush that takes no action and your obsession becomes lust over what you think you should have and should control and ho...

Blog Pictures dont do justice. My trip to Ireland was the most amazing experience ever. I was going through a lot at home and battered, unforeseen friendships and work stress. I could not wait to get away. We went to Dublin, County Kerry, and Galway. I toured and trekked all over, taking in views Id always dreamed about. I spent time with people I thought id never get along with or meet. We were a tight knit close grohl of nineteen people and all pretty much got along. I loved the scenery and atmosphere of the area and its people. I loved how we could get a drink and it wasn't overly priced like the states. I loved all of the sacred churches open to the public and the beautiful cathedral lining the corner of one town. They say travel is good for the soul. I lived it up there and on my last night, had one last pint with my tour family, laughing, singing, dancing, and crying even cried at dinner. For the past four weeks or so, Id been sad over a guy I liked and wanted a friendship ...

It has always been you.  I will be standing at the airport about to board my plane.  Finishing a workout and heading to my car.  Sipping coffee at the park. Watching a movie or reading a book.   Writing in my diary and fighting back tears smiling because of it all.  Praying before I hit the pillow for bed.  Holding onto memories and thoughts.  Trying to mull over things I never said.  Drinking a beer or dancing to a song.  Sitting at my desk working away.  Cooking in the kitchen or cleaning out the house.  It's always been you.  On my mind and in my heart.  You cannot see it, you do not want it or know it. Or maybe even need it.  Sometimes you gotta say it.  That feeling right there.  Baby please don't forget it.  When I'm looking directly into your eyes I could shout at the top of my lungs, but you won't hear.  I am right here.  I can't wait long. have a plane to catch, ...

When I was still in school, I used to tutor a young guy who hated English. When I mean hate, he really loathed event the thought of working on reading, spelling, grammar, or any of the things, I so very much enjoy. I spent my college years covered in the subject. The poor boy was having a tough time in his class and his parents were worried he wouldn't improve especially since he was an athlete wrestler outside of class. The first few times I came over to tutor him, he would whine about how stupid it was, that he had to have help. His attention span was minimal and his parents mentioned in private he had ADHD. I decided to take a different route and forget the label. One afternoon, I set his textbook down and said let's go outside. He immediately figured the session was over, but agreed to go anyway. We shot some basket hoops in the backyard and I tested his limits by quizzing him on vocabulary and comprehension. The initial reaction was defensive and anger. "You can...

Vulnerability is beautiful. The hard part about it, is exposing the parts of yourself you truely wish to hide from the world and from others. I think so often we are inclined to judge a person's insecurities and faults before we get to know them. Or Maybe its that some push people away in a need to understand themselves and the judgement is a front to illuminate protection. Irregardless of the reason or root cause, love is missing in us and those around us. I am not just saying this because I have a love for the Lord and people in my life, no it is because  we as individuals need to be restored and renewed that we simply are and exist. Rushing through and passing by, this practice makes it difficult to see what we are missing. We don't do it on purpose, but we do it often. Going through the motions, posting on social media how fantastic things are, and running through time. I wonder if we could expose that which we hide. I wonder if we could have a powerful care towards one ano...

It's 1am. You sent a text in the afternoon or no you sent several, and you look at your phone and began to think that you are the problem, that you are the failure, that no one cares, or that no one sees you, or maybe it's just you rolling inside your head. You know you don't mean to, you just triggered, and the spinning has started. Lack of sleep, hard day, or maybe you want to try and cover up that you feel badly of how something went. Negative self talk is one of the most powerful, awful effects of Borderline Personality Disorder. In fact it rules so much, that a regular, successful, beautiful woman, who is already loved, breaks down and becomes what she is not. There a triggers, first it's when they feel threatened or disrespected, or ignored. Really, for everyone once that happens, usually a person lets go, says fuck that person, accepts the situation, and moves on. A person with BPD, in other words, heavy anxiety, doesn't. They hold themselves responsible for ...

I hate when people say that. It's like telling a person who isn't really athletic to jump a treadmill. Usually you don't catch people saying that, then if they do, they weren't taught how to be humble when they were young. I don't know. Good lor, it takes a lot in me to not turn around and snap back. Sure, that sounds like I'm angry, but the reality is, I get tired of hearing it. It could be a relative eager for grandchildren (which I know you want them, but I'm 26, not 38, chill out). I love hearing when someone is going to have a baby or they are expecting, or when someone gets engaged. Please don't peg me as cynical. I am not. I am actually one of the biggest romantics out there. I have come to find and also with a little of my own reading, that early marriage is oober risky. I grew up wanting it more than life itself, someone to share life with, still do. Today, I harp more on trying to do me first. It does nto come without it's challenges! I s...

How amazing this life is truly. Separated by time and space and surrounding areas of change. I took a break from bible study. Worried I would miss out on all of the fun, I wondered if I had made the right choice. With my next trip approaching in almost a month, I knew I had to slow down. I spent the weekend reading, swimming, doing chores, staring at the ceiling, biking, a womens/moms fun game night and a missions potluck. Some of it was spent in front of the television, which was time I felt was not wasted. I used to rent tons of books from the library and had zero time to read any except one. Work can get boring or stressful. What a joy and blessing to be able to check myself a bit and relax. I forget I need some time off too. I am used to the go go Jane and that can be draining week after week. It is my favorite thing to be busy, but it is also nice to just be. The excitment for my trip and also being and seeing my two college buddies Jason and Ashley get hithed this Septemeber ...

Rancho Santa Marta Mission Trip I was away for eight solid days in Mexico, learning about the children at the school and the ranch itself. We traveled to Ensenada the first day and had lunch in town. After passing the culture shock, dirty and nasty area of Tijuana, I realized how much God and these people needed our help. I did manual labor for 6 days, electric chiseling, regular chiseling, picking up debri, sweeping, and hauling out excess cement for a junior high. We had bonfires at night and devotionals in the morning and evening. Our team of 47 wonderful people took 7 vans and a huge truck to haul our luggage. Renn and Matt, our team leaders, worked well together, and had so much innovative ideas and strong energy towards this cause. That team became my family that week and the team parents became my loving caring parents who watched over me, protected me, advised me, listened to me, and showed me why we were there. I met the school director who told us about her and her husband...

I have seriously seen enough news about Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner. We have so much other stuff going on in the world, that this I want to say "quit it." I don't know that person, but I do not have any right to judge. So many judgements rolling around right now, its ridiculous. From people posting gym progress pictures, to what someone wears, or stereotyping men and women when they have zero clue what they are talking about. I went to a bar the other night, still in work clothes, just me, and a guy gave me the once over like I was in the wrong place and overdressed. He handed me the wine list and I smiled and asked for the beer list. He apologized and told me he just figured that is what I would want. I didnt say a word. I like beer and wine, so that is fine. I prefer beer to be honest, and yes I watch sports on tv, so Im not a typical social media or the like, of a woman. Hallejuah! Same goes with anything in life especially dating. It irks me big time when people poke aro...

 Locker rooms are seriously dangerous. You laugh now, but seriously, the floors in there are slippery, and do not have mats anywhere. I almost fell yesterday, on my way back from the shower. I never realized how much are haste makes waist. I think it is the same for anywhere if we keep on rushing we are more likely to get hurt. I slipped on the tile floor of my parents house a long time ago, but still feel it in my tailbone from the fall.  I am naturally pretty boney, which means I am highly susceptible to bruising post falls. I am trying to curtail that by working out, getting stronger, and noticing my surroundings more. Call me grace seems to be pretty common for when I take nose dive and fall right down. It's actually pretty scary if you aren't paying close attention or you accidentally misinterpret where a step might be or etc.    I think people don't realize an injury from a fall can range from a sprain to a complete bone break, depending on how you fell, wh...